In Loving Memory of Tony So
August 17, 1933 – Sept 29, 2025
Beloved husband, father, brother, and friend

My Dad’s (Antonio Waikwong So) life began in southern China on August 17, 1933, as the third eldest of eight children. When the Japanese invaded Canton around 1939, the So Family fled on foot roughly 130 kilometers to Allied-protected Hong Kong. There, the Sos—like countless others—found themselves refugees in a city straining under chaos and survival.

After World War II ended, Grandpa So thrived as an entrepreneur, allowing his children access to private education. My father attended a private high school in Canton and graduated in 1949—the same year China fell to communism—exposing Dad to a second war, a civil war, making higher education in his homeland impossible.

He considered university offers in Australia and U.K., ultimately choosing the University of Toronto, beginning a new chapter as a foreign student and independent adult. Learning a new language, and working part-time to pay his way through school —delivering groceries, washing cars, and doing any job available—Dad worked relentlessly, under stressful conditions, to create his life from the ground up. Eventually, he exited his academic years with a Master’s degree in Electrical Engineering, inner confidence and a resilient, can-do attitude. I never experienced scarcity the way my Dad was forced to face. I am immensely grateful to him and my ancestors, for putting in the hard work to pull the So Family out of chaotic poverty and placing us in a first-world country where we can live an educated, dignified and abundant life.

A New Chapter: Meeting My Mom

My mom’s story began in Canton on May 8, 1942, the second eldest of four children. Her family, the Tsangs, ran textile businesses in China and Hong Kong. Fearing persecution from the communists, they too fled to Hong Kong in 1948. In the early 1960s, both the So and Tsang families operated textile businesses on the same Hong Kong street. The two patriarchs were business acquaintances—and soon, matchmakers. They introduced my mom and dad while my dad was visiting from Canada. After a year-long thoughtful courtship, they married in 1965.

Building a Career and Family

My dad began a successful 35-year career with IBM in 1964, a journey that shaped much of his adult life and identity. He started as a Systems Engineer, integrating IBM computers into manufacturing operations across Canada. His early days involved ensuring robots and assembly lines performed precisely as programmed.

My brother Chris was born in 1966, and I (Clarence) followed in 1969. Over time, Dad was repeatedly promoted through IBM’s ranks, eventually leading major software divisions. Artifacts like OS/2 and AS/400 documentation, strewn around our home, were quiet clues to his impact on the tech world and lasting contributions to the professional software community.

Despite promotions and senior executive status, he chose not to raise our standard of living. Instead, he encouraged us to work for what we wanted. If I wanted certain clothes, I needed to earn them through academic achievement. If I wanted to buy music, I needed to earn money from a part-time job. War and scarcity left a deep imprint on my dad’s approach to money and life. He was a careful saver, a disciplined budgeter, and constantly reminded us to “spend within my means.” He continued to model this philosophy well past retirement.

Joy came from creating things with his hands. He was a fantastic cook much to the delight of his family and friends. A full bench-saw was always present in the basement and he was always eager to build something. Chris and Dad built the Richmond Hill house basement together. Cutting 2x4’s, stringing lights, screwing in dry-wall – acts of shared joy. I remember a moment where we stained and varnished wood together and he remarked how he loved the look of the dark wood grain. Later in life, he took me furniture shopping and bought me a full-set of Mission Wood oak furniture, also a dark wood grain. I remember him commenting, “I always wanted to buy a set like this”. When I asked him, after all his success, why he didn't buy it for himself, he said something to the effect of, ‘Why would I waste money buying a new set when my old set is still perfectly functional?”

Dad decided to semi-retire from IBM in the early 1990s, staying on as a part-time consultant. Around the same time, Grandpa So was diagnosed with cancer. These two major events catalyzed my parents’ decision to move back to Hong Kong, with Grandpa So, and help him through his final chapter of life.

After retirement, I got to know my father better. He was always a smart, capable and trustworthy man. But with retirement, he became more curious, generous, and present. Together, we traveled to Costa Rica, China, the Galápagos, Brazil, Tahiti, Panama, up-and-down the California coast. He approached every destination with wonder and a childlike joy for local food. Every meal became a joyful ceremony—the menu was studied line by line. Every first bite was followed by a thoughtful critique and an opener for dinner conversation. After Grandpa So passed, Dad and his siblings began pulling the entire So Family together, yearly in Vancouver, where all So family members could reconnect, pay their respects to their ancestors, and enjoy world-class, Chinese cuisine together.

A Life Well Lived

In one of our last conversations, he told me he was proud of his life.
He was grateful for everything he experienced.
Proud of what he accomplished in life.
He had no regrets.
Knowing this brings me peace.

Forever remembered. Forever loved.
Tony So (1933–2025)