Mums (Sukhbir Kaur’s) Life Story
Parents: Late Kuldip Singh and Jaswant Battu
Husband: Gurmeet Singh Haar
Children: Son: Sunny and Daughter: Amrita
Sukhbir Kaur, My sweet mums name literally meant "Happiness's friend" and she so lived up to it. She always chose happiness over anything else. She always chose to be happy. That was the friend she wanted by her side. Happiness! On January 22nd 1951 at 2 p.m on a chilly Monday afternoon, my “Rani” mum was born in Delhi Air force Cantt Hospital. Weighing in at 5 pounds, she had hair, was fair and was a beautiful first born with chubby cheeks. She is the oldest of four sisters and has always been quiet, reserved, caring, sensible and very organized. She was very calm, cool tempered and always tried to make the best of the situation at hand. Her nickname was Rani, meaning “a Queen”; another name that she truly owned! Mum came from a well to do middle class family and grew up with maids and servants and hence spent her time studying and doing other crafts instead of household chores that other girls in her generation grew up doing. She enjoyed working with her hands, she did needlework such as embroidery, knitting, crochet and tatting and also enjoyed gardening. She had quite a green thumb. She knew how to grow things well.
Mum started her schooling in a town called Ambala staying with her paternal grandmother. She was there till about grade 3 and then she moved to my Nani’s (her mom’s) village in Gujjarwal (Distt Ludhiana) and studied there till about grade 9. Then the family moved to Delhi and she completed her higher secondary (Grade 11) in Delhi Cantt. Mum then started her pre-medical schooling in Halwara (Punjab) and completed her BSc from Women’s college in Ludhiana (Punjab). She later completed her BEd. in Halwara and started studying for her MSc. but left it mid-way to get married and become a home maker. On Mar 10, 1976, Mum and Dad got married and she moved with Papa to AF Stn Memaura, Lucknow. Nine months later my brother Sunny was born at Mum’s maternal home in AF Hospital Halwara.
Her young life with her husband and family was spent travelling all over India. Some because Papa was in the IAF (Indian Air Force) and got to move around the country every 3-4 years and some travelling on fun vacations as Mum and Dad both enjoyed going out and travelling. Road trips by car were a common way to see the country and travel. Papa loved long drives to explore India, a lovely country to tour around. From Srinagar to Delhi, to Agra, and whole of Punjab Mum and Dad took road trips around as much as they could to see and explore. We even visited Toronto for 3 months in 1983 making it a very memorable foreign visit.
Here is Mum’s journey; life partner of Gurmeet Singh Haar and a great companion in my Papa’s own words:
Arranged marriage 10-Mar -1976, I came to Chandigarh from my place of posting at AF Stn Memaura (Lucknow) for wedding because Biji Bauji were in Chandigarh.
After wedding ceremony at Halwara we moved to my first place of posting at AF Stn MEMAURA in Lucknow (UP). It was a nice stay for us as a young married couple. Sunny was born while I remained posted here and your Mom went to stay with mummy at Halwara for delivery. Sunny was born at AF Hospital at Halwara. Sunny developed chest infection when he was couple of months old and with God’s grace recovered after treatment from Dayanand Medical college Hospital in Ludhiana. Mom joined me at Memaura when Sunny was 3 months old and Harinder and Mattoo came to Memaura for few days as well. Sunny grew up to be a very Chubby baby and we got posted to Barrackpore (Calcutta) for a course of 6 months in Sep 1977. After the course we got posted to Pathankot in Feb 1978. This is where Sunny first went to school and Mom joined a private school to teach. Life was very enjoyable and memorable bringing up Sunny and then Bunny was born on 28-Nov-1980 at MH Pathankot. There were moments of immense Joy with 2 lovely kids and family completed. Mom started teaching at AF School Pathankot where she earned a good name. We then got posted to AF Stn Ambala in Dec 1979. Here Sunny officially started going to Grade 1
Soon after we had to go for another course of 6 months to Barrackpore (Calcutta) in Sep 1982 where Bunny got popular with many officers as a very naughty and talkative girl. She was very chubby too. We then got posted to AF St Adampur in Feb 1983 and initially stayed with Biji Bauji outside the camp. Soon moved inside the AF Stn where Bunny also started school. This was our glorious and most enjoyable tenure. We bought our first car FIAT in 1985 and acquired a pet dog named Doodle (Pomeranian) from Billa uncle. We then got posted to AF Stn Awantipur (Srinagar) in 1986 and drove with Doodle to the new Station. A totally new experience living and driving in the cold and snowy winters of Awantipur and Srinagar. We drove south every year in winters during our annual leave thru the mountainous region and enjoyed the road journey by the FIAT. Unfortunately had to give away doodle to a vet as we couldn't take care during extreme winters. Once we went to see him and he rushed to sit in our car wanted to come back with us. Mom was appointed as the Principal of the AF School at Awantipur by Mrs Sekhon wife of Stn Cdr Gp Capt MS Sekhon, she earned popularity due to her great nature and administrative skills.
From Awantipur (Srinagar) we got posted to Tughlakabad (Delhi) and drove by car. This was also an excellent tenure of a total of 6yrs where we got close to Onkar's and the children studied together in AF Bal Bharati school. Mom taught in the AF school at 7 BRD and earned a good name till we finally retired on 31-Dec-1994 and then flew to Toronto on March 5, 1995.
Living a family life in India was a very pleasant life journey made great by your Mom and my beloved wife and closest friend who remained and supported us all thru thick and thin of our lives. Her greatness shows how well she clicked with Biji throughout our living together. The support and strength grew stronger once we moved to Canada because Mum once again found support in her own parents and sisters who were settled in Canada.
The last 20 years of mums life.
Our close family of 4 migrated to Toronto Canada, and we all landed here on Mar 5, 1995. It must have been a huge adjustment for her at age 44 but I don’t ever recall her complaining or sulking for this change in her life style. She lived in great comfort in India with maids and servants and gardeners and helpers, but here she was everything and everyone all in one. She was the cook, the maid, the gardener, the help and also a homemaker and earner. She was also working at an electronic store as salesperson person and then the store manager. She worked inside and outside the house without any expectations and disappointments. We landed at Pearson Airport in the evening and we straight drove to my Jassi uncle’s place in Markham. Mums parents lived in Etobicoke and I remember making the trip to see them every weekend. We would take the bus to scarborough town centre, and then from there take the RT to the subway station and then take the subway to Kipling station and then from there take the bus to my grandparents place. The entire trip was very uneventful and easy, and now I understand how difficult it must have been for Mum to make it so easy and uneventful for us! I now realize that when things look easy, they are difficult in the background. After a couple of months we moved to Etobicoke to a rented apartment at Callow Hill Dr. with the help of my great Massi Ruby who helped us in every step of initial settlement. Sunny and I went to Kipling Collegiate high school.. During the summer of 1995 Sunny worked at my Ruby massi’s workplace and supported the family. My dad and mom took up some petty jobs to sustain family. Papa worked nights as a security officer while going to college during the day and Mom worked in an electronic store.
My parents bought their first home and we moved into our own condo in 1997 at Wincott Dr, in Etobicoke. Sunny went to U of T to study Mech. Engg and I was completing high school. Mom once on her way to work slipped on black ice and broke her elbow and had to undergo surgery, later recovered. This was our phase changing time when Dad finished his Certification and got a nice, decent job in his profession in Oct 2000. Mom continued to work at the same store. Sunny was in his final university year at U of T and me at York University. My grandparents lived with us all the while. In 2001 we got an opportunity to visit Florida on vacation and visited Disney world and other attractions etc and stayed in a beautiful resort in Kissimmee. We drove all the way to and fro in our toughest car Eagle Vision and was a fun trip for the family. The same year Sunny graduated and picked up his first job at Penetanguishene. Life went on as we enjoyed days of our lives.
In 2004 we moved to our newly bought house in Fleur-De-Lis Crt, Mississauga where we lived till MOM breathed her last. Both Sunny and I got married in this house. Both my kids were brought home to this house first after the hospital. Mum made this house a home and she took great pride in it. She loved her home immensely and always kept it immaculately clean and presentable. Dad and Mom had great memories going on vacation and cruises with family and friends. The first was a Caribbean cruise along with Bhanus for 4 days. Next one was a Mediterranean cruise along with Sandal, Onkar, Sunny and Komal visiting Rome, Spain, Malta and few other islands. A fun vacation indeed. We also visited Dubai and enjoyed the hospitality of Ajeeth and Mamta. After a couple of years went on another cruise (MSC) for 7 days with all the friends including Nani, Ruby, Mattoo and Rajeev. The last vacation that Mom enjoyed immensely was for 7 days to Cancun (Mexico) with all friends. Also after this Mom visited Chandigarh in 2015 for Goldy’s wedding where it was a great family reunion for her by meeting her younger sister Harinder and her family. It was a very Joyous time due to the presence of all sisters, children, nephews and nieces. After the wedding she went South to Coorg, Bangalore and Mysore where they were well taken care off by Mamta’s extended family and in laws. Soon after returning from this trip to Canada she developed a sore in her left cheek which aggravated and then on her journey of one year was painful with visits to doctors and hospital.
Mum was a:
Positive thinker
Patient and helpful
Loving and forgiving
Ambitious and Intelligent
Innocent and sweet. Very child like
Not a complainer and very kind
Spiritual and Religious
Respectful and Humble
happy human being
Mum lived a fulfilling life. She fulfilled all her responsibilities and roles. Whatever she did, she did it well and with her entire effort. Even towards the end, the last year of her life… the last fight of her life… she fought with bravery, strength and positivity. Dec 18, 2015, mum was diagnosed with cancer inside of her left cheek. Jan 29, 2016 she underwent an extensive surgery to remove the tumor from her cheek, and then grafted the cheek from her left forearm and a major vein. The left forearm was grafted with the skin from her left thigh. She recovered from that surgery beautifully. Never complained, just stated facts. Her skin healed really well… she had lovely skin. Just perfect really! The surgeon said that the surgery was a perfect success and that he got everything out and now it’s just recovery. Six weeks after surgery she started 30 sessions of radiation and one session of chemotherapy. She was just an amazing trooper. Bunny says: she remembers being with her the day she went through her chemo. We were in the hospital together for the whole day. I now think back and wonder that I was with her when the doctors gave her a medicine to kill her entire being and I was there to support that. Not sure if I feel correct about that now, but at that time I felt that I was doing the right thing by supporting her and being by her side. She always had everyone's support actually… her sisters are like pillars. My cousins husband is a head and neck surgeon in the US and he was such a great help and support in all of mums treatments and medical needs. Mum went to him to consult when she would find any new development in her disease. So, the day of the chemo while we were all there to support her, she truly stood strong for all of us. SHE! She was smiling and laughing and cracking jokes… not once did she feel sorry for her situation and condition. She took it head on and dealt with it with courage and strength. She enjoyed playing cards and we played Rummi a lot when she was in the hospital.
On Nov 12, 2016, She felt a sharp pain in her liver. She was staying at Ruby massi’s place for that weekend. It was Saturday morning when she woke up with the pain and as the day unfolded she made an appointment to see her long time confidant and employer at one time. Dr. Singal. He suggested that she should go to Sunnybrook Hospital, where she had completed all her cancer treatment and get a CT scan.
Later that night, the results were in and we found out that the cancer has metastasised. It was now in her liver and in the next few days we found out that it was also in her lungs. That was a jolt! We were told that there is no treatment available for her now and it’s a matter of weeks. The doctors were very sorry.
After that she was in and out of the hospital many times, each time wanting to be at home as her final time approached. Her wish was to be at home with her family and that’s is exactly how she spent her last days and breaths. On Jan 2, 2017 on a chilly Monday afternoon, at 4:22 p.m mum took her last breath. She was fair and beautiful with serenity on her face.
I miss you Mum! Sooooo much!! May GOD Bless you in Heaven and you see us from above how much we loved you and miss you. Please Bless us all and give us strength and courage to bear your parting away from us. We will always remember you and cherish your sweet sweet memories as long as we live.
Love you, Love you, Love you…..
Papa, Sunny and Bunny, Komal, Mohit , Arkin, Samay and Araiya
