Thank you for gathering here today in memorial and celebration of the life my grandma, my 婆婆, lived. At 96 years, 4 months, and 7 days lived, it was certainly a long journey and an incredible adventure she shared with many who were blessed to have crossed her path.
Although it is impossible to distill the essence of the beautiful life my grandmother lived into any speech, I’d like to share some of my thoughts and fond memories of this incredible woman I had the immense privilege of calling my 婆婆.
I’m sure some of you may have had different or perhaps even conflicting memories or experiences with my grandmother but I don’t think that necessarily detracts from any of these stories as it really just speaks to the beautifully complex and wildly intelligent person my grandmother was.
My grandmother lived independently almost literally until her passing. She was self-sufficient and even into her mid 90s, she cleaned her own home, cooked her own meals, and dyed her own hair black.
My grandmother was the definition of aging with grace, dignity, elegance, and sophistication. She asked little to nothing of others but always went above and beyond in her generosity. She was so sharp, quick, and clever. She lived simply but with purpose. She was a righteous woman who loved the Lord Jesus and she loved all those dear to her with her whole heart.
One of my earlier memories of my grandmother involves my having little understanding of the concept that certain things don’t translate 1 to 1 between languages. We were in an elevator, my mother, my 婆婆, a stranger, and myself. I must’ve been no older than 7 or 8, and the stranger thought it must be nice to see three generations of a family together so she asked me, “young man, is this your grandma?” and instinctively I responded “no! She’s not my grandma! She’s my grand… she’s my grand… she’s my …婆婆!”
See, your paternal grandmother in Cantonese is 嫲嫲 and that translates nicely to grandma in English. I never considered there wouldn’t be an equivalent for my maternal grandmother.
When I think back to this memory I often cringe and feel bad for rejecting my grandmother, but at the same time, I also can’t help but feel immense respect for my 婆婆 who let this roll off her shoulders thinking nothing of it. Someone with less emotional intelligence surely would have felt sad or dejected; perhaps such a person would correct me or talk to me about that. But my 婆婆 thought nothing of it; she never questioned my love for her, and she always loved me just the same, just as I am.
Even as I’m reciting this eulogy in English instead of Cantonese, my grandmother's mother tongue - and really my mother tongue too, my grandmother never made me feel like my Chinese wasn’t good enough, or that I needed to work harder on that.
As her grandson, I was always enough just the way I am. And I believe that’s how she loved every one of you here today as well, just as you are.
My grandmother was to me the pinnacle of success having lived a meaningful life with so many loved ones and having changed so many lives for the better.
One thing that left a strong impression on me in her passing is in fact something she did not do, rather than something that she did. My grandma never asked me to take care of my mom after she’d left. That‘s the greatest testament to her confidence in God’s providence and in her having done the best job she could as a mother.
When she left this world, she left me with the impression that she left with no worries. Maybe that’s only because she didn’t think it was a grandchild’s job to worry about that. But I choose to believe and to remember that my grandmother’s life was lived best exactly the way it was.
I only ever got to experience the side of my grandmother that was absolutely perfect - without exaggeration. I don’t doubt that that was entirely by her conscious effort - and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
This grandmother of mine was in every way a fairytale-like existence, and like a story book with all the loose ends tied up, she’s passed on to be with the Lord God in eternity where she’s always belonged as she has always been an angel on this Earth.
Thank you and may God bless us all.
