We said goodbye to Go Go today, my husband's beloved, dignified, steadfast grandfather. I have learned so much about him these last few days that I only picked up bits and pieces of before. I knew he left home at the age of 12 to work in a different city, I didn't know he started his own business at the age of 53 so that all of his children could have a college education. I knew he prioritized the education and careers of his daughters, including my mother in law, as well as his sons. I didn't fully appreciate the extent to which that was counter-cultural, self-sacrificial, transforming. I knew he was lovingly married for 69 years, and built a beautiful, strong, family which I have been so grateful to become a part of through these last several years.
Nearly every time I visited Terrence in Toronto, we would stop to see his grandparents, either at church, over dim sum, or at their home in Markham. I loved the way that Terrence loosened up when we were with them, the way he was even more playful, sweet, and so clearly knew how genuinely loved he was. I wish for every child the experience of being beloved that Terrence knew when he was with his grandfather. And there was so much room in that love for me, from the very beginning. Even though we didn't speak the same language, Go Go would grip my hand and smile and I knew without a doubt that he loved me too.
I always remember the day Terrence and I told him we were engaged. It was hard for him to move around by then but as I sat on the couch by his chair he insisted on getting up and finding a pen and paper, and carefully scratched out a few characters in Cantonese. Bewildered, I showed it to Christine who explained that it was my name, written phonetically--So-Fay. I hope he knew how much that meant to me.