Remembering Mom and her life...a great story.
Toronto Star columnist, Rosie Dimanno wrote an article for Mother’s Day titled “I owe Mama everything and more”. It is so true. We all owe our mothers so much. They endured pain to give us life. Moms nurture us, teach us how to behave, look after ourselves and each other. They are always there with a sympathetic ear whenever it is needed. They love us unconditionally.
Even though mothers do so much for their family, they are sometimes taken for granted except, of course, on Mother’s Day. It’s difficult to think of our moms beyond their parental duties. We don’t often pause to think about them as a person with dreams, hopes and aspirations. I would like to take a few minutes to describe some of our Mom’s life.
Mom’s story begins on December 27th, 1928. Her parents, Alice and William Dowling welcomed Barbara May into their family in Agincourt that already included sons Arthur, Alfred, Teddy, and sisters Grace and Katie. A little sister, Louise and baby brother, David would soon complete the family.
Mom and little sister, Louise became very close and enjoyed their shared responsibility of looking after their baby brother, David. The family moved to a wood- shingled house located on about a half acre of land close to Brimley Rd and St. Clair in rural Scarborough. Their home had old wooden trellises covered with Morning Glories leading to large flower and vegetable gardens. It was an ideal setting for a little girl to grow up. The 30 minute walk to John A. Leslie public school was a little challenging, especially in the winter. Mom said they often cut through the cemetery to shorten the trip.
When Mom was eight years old, the family moved again to a house at the corner of Midland and Eglinton. She spent the next five years climbing trees, hiking and playing on the railway tracks with her best friend and neighbor, Kathleen. I was quite surprised when Mom described how she and friends would dare each other to lie down between the railroad ties on a bridge waiting for a steam-blowing, loud locomotive train to race by while just inches over top of them! Definitely not something you would ever imagine a mother doing. Childhood is filled with adventure and playful memories. Unfortunately, it goes by so quickly.
In 1942, the Dowling family moved one last time to a home on Eastdale Avenue in East York. Mom was 14 and attending a new school she did not like. She also missed her best friend, Kathleen. Mom was relieved when her father agreed to take her out of school just before turning 16, so she could begin working. She tried several different jobs including making dolls and sewing flags, which she really enjoyed, and working behind the counter at a Woolworth restaurant for a short period of time. I think she left when she was told to wipe the mold off a hot dog and serve it anyway!
Shortly after turning 16, her father passed away in his sleep and the family struggled to make ends meet. Mom continued working and her mom eked out a modest living giving piano lessons. Times were tough. Fortunately however, Mom’s spirits were lifted when childhood friend Kathleen moved into a nearby neighborhood and they resumed their friendship. Now their interests had shifted from climbing trees and hiking to reading, painting, photography and going to the movies. Mom had a crush on actor Tyrone Power who starred in one of her favorite films “Son of Fury”. Some of her favourite books included Wuthering Heights, Jane Eyre and Gone With the Wind. Mom and Kathleen would go to the movies whenever they could and enjoyed following the lives of the Hollywood stars. Mom was very proud that she knew so much about all the movie stars. Kathleen and Mom continued to do everything together, including double dating.
Don Barnes was a young 18 year old with a part time business delivering eggs in the East York neighborhood when the daughter of one of his customers caught his eye. However, Mom, a 17 year old with blonde wavy hairy, was not interested, so Don bribed Mom’s little brother, David to put in a good word for him. Eventually his persistence paid off and they began double dating with their best friends Kathleen and Willie. After a brief courtship, Barbara Dowling became Barbara Barnes on Feb 24th 1947. Mom was just 18 years old and her childhood was now officially behind her and life was about to throw some interesting changes her way.
Mom and Dad’s first home at Victoria Park and Eglinton was a tiny place with no hydro or running water that they fondly nicknamed “the shack”. In fact, they had a knack for nicknaming everything from children to pets. I remember a one-legged, injured robin they rescued and quickly tagged “hop a long”. They had dogs named Woofer and Tweeter, ducks that swam in their backyard pool called Ping and Pong and a canary they simply named “Bird”. Some of the nicknames for the kids included: Stinkles, Slobber Puss, Dennis the Menace, Bomber, etc.
On February 15th 1948, their first child, Donald Wayne, was born. Louise and Sam were born shortly thereafter. Dad began construction of a bungalow on the same property as “the shack” to accommodate the growing family. Dad made extra money doing part-time construction. Unfortunately, he fell from a roof while working at the job site. He broke his leg and was in and out of hospital for months. The family was on welfare and Mom did her best to look after the family and gave birth to another child, John.
They were now living in the basement of an uncompleted bungalow. It looked like things couldn’t get any worse. Unfortunately, tragedy soon struck again when a house fire nearly destroyed their home while Dad was in the hospital. They had hit bottom, but things were about to improve.
A Toronto Maple Leaf hockey player named Bob Baun attended a fund raiser to help the struggling family and shortly thereafter, the City of Toronto expropriated their house to make way for the construction of Eglinton Avenue. They now had enough money to buy a home. In 1952, they bought a brand new bungalow at 102 Huntington Avenue, once again, near Midland Avenue and Eglinton.
I’m sure we all think of 102 Huntington Avenue as home and where we all got to know Mom. It was the “gathering place” after we were grown, where you could drop in unannounced and have a coffee, a toasted tomato sandwich or homemade fries. You always could count on Mom being there, usually doing the laundry or preparing meals but, always willing to lend a sympathetic ear and dispense motherly advice regarding raising kids, relationships, etc.
Although Mom probably never dreamed about or planned on having twelve children, I know that she never would have changed a thing. It’s amazing when you think about the fact that she spent her entire twenties and most of her thirties pregnant. By 1964, at age 35, Mom had given birth to eight more kids...Gordon, Deborah, Susan, Mathew, Michael, Christopher, Timothy and Ben David. To this day, I am amazed that Mom (and Dad) survived raising such a large family without going crazy. It totally dominated every waking moment of their lives. Thank God for Mom that the pill came out in 1964!
Managing a household for a very large family requires many skills including patience, resourcefulness and hard work everyday. I wish I had thanked Mom more often for her dedication to raising her family. She gathered laundry everyday from bedrooms in the attic, main floor and basement. She was always doing laundry, usually while listening to soap operas on the TV in the background when we came home from school. Everyday she prepared, cooked and served our dinner. It’s strange but I don’t really remember her sitting down to eat with us. Doing the essential things consumed her entire day and she was always so busy. I don’t know where she got all her energy and strength.
Mom had many strengths, not the least of which was holding together a huge family that included nine boys, three daughters and her husband, all living under one roof in a small Scarborough bungalow. Keeping the peace and refereeing sibling differences was a never ending and often thankless job. Listening to and understanding our personal problems and not taking sides was a demanding part of her busy day but she took it in stride. Mom could have written a book on child psychology or on negotiation skills. She was a master at it...she had to be! Mom was the glue that held our family together.
Mom was easy going and fair with everyone she met. Although she politely never questioned or confronted people, she would defend us to the end if we were mistreated or accused of doing something she knew we didn’t do. This included other parents, teachers and sometimes even the police. Mom detested bullies and would not tolerate anyone who bullied her children. She may not have been openly affectionate but, she was always there when we needed her most. We always knew she cared.
Non-stop cooking, laundry and cleaning were things Mom did everyday and she did so without ever complaining and expecting nothing in return .There were no daily hugs to say thank you. We weren't raised that way. Mom was happy knowing she was doing her best for her family and seemed content with the special attention she received on her birthdays, Valentines Day, Christmas and, of course, on Mother's Day. As mom's go, she was the best!
I know Dad always bragged that she was the most beautiful and best wife in the world. He fondly nick named her "Wipey", probably because she was always changing non disposable diapers and cleaning up after everybody. I'm sure Mom felt she hit the jackpot too when she married the one and only love interest in her life. Its strange to think of your mom and dad as anything but parents but when you look at old photos you see a young, good looking couple having fun and in love. Although they didn't openly show affection that often, I know they loved each other very much.
Finding time for romance and alone time together was challenging. However they still managed to squeeze in weekly date nights that included bowling every Friday. They enjoyed drives in the countryside and trips to Florida, Cuba, St Lucia and England. They shared many interests together especially gardening.
While in her fifties, Mom took a job working at a Sears Warehouse for a few years. She made many friends there and enjoyed earning her own spending money. I think it was one of her happiest times. She would often meet her sister, Louise at the East Town restaurant for lunch and a rum and coke.
Eventually in 1989, after all their children had left home, they decided to move to Bewdley to spend a little more time living and doing the things they wanted to do. They earned it. Scarborough would never be the same after they left.
Mom and Dad were now on their own and enjoying life in Bewdley, which coincidentally, is where their old friends, Kathleen and Willie now lived too. The four of them frequently got together to play dominoes or euchre. Their house in Bewdley was on a hilly corner lot that was filled with trees and gardens. Mom loved looking out her sliding glass doors of their kitchen to watch the chipmunks play in their backyard gardens.
Mom was a true nature lover and especially loved flowers. She had other creative outlets too, including sewing, crocheting afghans, playing the piano, jig saw puzzles, weekly correspondence with her sister, Louise and of course her favorite...drives in the countryside with Dad. Bewdley was their home for 17 years until they decided to move to Cobourg in 2006.
Mom really loved the bungalow in Cobourg. She often commented that it was the cutest house she ever lived in. It was surrounded by nature with a green space on two sides and a babbling creek they could look at through their front window. It was the ideal setting for her and Dad. For the next four years they continued gardening and going for countryside drives.
Unfortunately, after only four years living there, her husband of 63 years passed away on April 27th, 2010. Mom was heartbroken and alone now, but she did not want to move from her new home, Unfortunately, a year after losing Dad, she lost her oldest daughter, Louise too. It seemed Mom had reached that age where life takes more away from you than it gives.
The last years of Mom's life were peaceful. Her memory began to fade and she wished she had the energy to do the things she liked to do. She often said that "this getting old is for the birds". Despite this, she kept smiling and never asked for much. She looked forward to visits from family and enjoyed the simpler things in life, such as looking after her "bird", puttering in the garden as best she could, working on jigsaw puzzles, and watching the news and movies.
In January of 2021, her health took a turn for the worse and she was hospitalized and eventually moved to an LTC in Port Hope where she died peacefully in her sleep on August 4th, 2021. We miss you Mom.
Love,
All of us who ever knew you.
