It is with profound sadness but great pride that I write about my son and the passing of my son Jordan Elliot Russell.

Jordan was a loved and cherished son, a friend to many a kind soul with a warm heart and brilliant mind.

Jordan was such a happy child with a sparkle in his eye and at times a ridiculous laugh. He was biracial of half Ethiopian decent, a gorgeous child and a fine handsome man. Jordan helped me to learn to love deeper, laugh louder and at times cry alligator tears.

Despite Jordan taking his own life weeks prior to his 25th birthday I have the utmost respect and admiration for all he achieved in his short lifetime.

As a child Jordan adored having fun, skating, tennis, rock climbing, snowboarding, karate, soccer, basketball, football, swimming, guitar and his pet turtle McGiver. While Jordan expressed a desire to learn to play the drums and he of course had drums and lessons he simply had no rhythm, I often laughed at his lack of rhythm for what as he referred to himself as a “black man” albeit his skin colour was browner than black constantly a debate between the two of us. Despite my valiant attempt my Wee Lad never enjoyed baseball I suppose he viewed it as my sport to play although we did attend many professional sporting events together. And, most certainly, Jordan did not enjoy playing ice hockey ball hockey was of more interest to him, he did provide me with an ongoing challenge! We also enjoyed shooting a game of pool or billiards together. We were more than a Mother and Son, we were friends.

Jordan achieved his Certified Life Guard accreditation and adored teaching children how to swim. Jordan achieved although did not work as a Certified Bartender.

Jordan completed his required high school volunteer hours at Halton Healthcare Services.

Jordan had many friends in this lifetime but there was a special friend, Michael who dedicated himself and did his very best to always be of support to Jordan. I am confident that Michael desperately misses Jordan dropping by to visit.

In the past Jordan was often fondly referred to as a “sloth” given that there were times when Jordan could not have moved slower and slept more…he was such a calm and relaxed individual.

Jordan was an avid reader and he liked to write. He admired the work of the great Stephen Hawking and at times I considered Jordan to be similar to Professor John Nash depicted in A Beautiful Mind.

Jordan was accepted at Ryerson University to study Biomedical Engineering although initially his desire was to attend the University of Toronto to study Chemical Engineering.

Jordan had tremendous passion, courage and strengths that helped him to endure and overcome insurmountable obstacles.

Jordan was blessed in his life to have the support of many and I have wonderful memories of all of the Teachers, Guidance Counsellors, Principals and Vice Principals that were of support to the education of Jordan.

Jordan was such an independent and dedicated soul, he overcame many obstacles in his lifetime and it saddens me to have to accept that he did not contact someone prior to making his final decision.

While Jordan was baptized a Catholic he tended to believe more in Universal Responsibility written by His Holiness the XIVth Dalai Lama and prior to his death Jordan was attempting to study the Koran.

As I struggle to accept the death of my son I try my best at times to laugh and to reflect on both his strengths and weaknesses.

Jordan most certainly did not like doing dishes, laundry or housekeeping but he certainly enjoyed cooking, eating and a good cup of coffee!

As with all of us Jordan was human, he made mistakes and he struggled at times in his journey but he made his best effort attempt to learn from his mistakes finding him cleverer as he turned each corner in his growth and maturation.

I recall the first rock concert Jordan attended with me, RUSH, and I remember us drinking energy drinks just prior to the concert adorning t-shirts that we had made on Yonge Street to attend the concert, he was so young to be at the concert but we had such a great time.

While Jordan remained single in his life it was an unwritten rule in our home and his desire that he first achieve his university education in order to perhaps eventually be a husband and father. It breaks my heart to know that none of these goals will now be attained and that I will never see him graduate from university. He had great expectations of himself wishing to and aspiring to eventually achieve his PhD which he communicated he would like to secure in the United States.

Jordan was a son, a grandson and a nephew but most of all he was a great friend to many.

Jordan had a few special friends during his teenage and early adult life with the constants being Renjie, Nick and Caesar.

Jordan never had the opportunity to meet and get to know his biological father although Jordan was so proud to consider himself a Canadian Ethiopian. Jordan loved to eat Injera and meat despite having been raised in a vegetarian home.

I could write at infinitum about Jordan, I loved my son, he became the centre of my universe and I will likely never recover from my tragic loss. It had been my dream to travel to Ethiopia with Jordan and spend time in Addis Ababa prior to Jordan commencing his university studies a dream that for me will remain only a memory.

My son, if you can hear me, if you are watching over me as I struggle with your loss and my advanced breast cancer know that I will do my very best to make you as proud as I possibly can, I only wish that you were by my side until the day I die but I have solace in knowing that eventually we will be together again.

Jordan passed away January 10, 2018 and was cremated January 23, 2018. His ashes were interned at Mount Pleasant Cemetery, Toronto in Niche BB109, Friday April 13, 2018. I thank the special people that took the time to be by my side.

I give special thanks to the myriad of medical and support staff that did their best to be of support to Jordan over the years although at the moment I remain of the opinion that sometimes the best is just not good enough.

I would also like to make special mention of someone who has been of incredible support to me over the years, my hat is off to you Scott McKean, Manager, Community Development/Community Crisis Response Program City of Toronto. Thank you Scott!

Jordan, my son, you would be most impressed to know that at the end of the day, your Godmother, your Auntie Deli, ensured that you were honoured.

As written by Stephanie Douglass, “The Bond Between Mother and Son Lasts a Lifetime”.

Love You Forever,
Mom
xoxo